I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
