we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
