I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
