got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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