you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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