So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize