he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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