he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
