how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We talked him into tasing himself.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
