OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
