I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
