I want to walk on stilts...naked
We need to rekindle our bromance
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
