i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
