she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
