I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
