Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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