her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
