i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
