He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My vagina just clenched in fear
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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