Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
