his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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