got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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