He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
