She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize