3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
This girl is more easily done than said...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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