I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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