This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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