There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
