So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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