Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
