I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
