i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think I won the penis lottery.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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