Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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