sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
