my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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