White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
