All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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