dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
