I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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