And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
