I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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