well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
