i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize