I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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