And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
