You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
