office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize