Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
