so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
