if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
