That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
