I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
