if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
