I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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