If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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