he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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