Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
