So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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