I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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