dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
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