I'm really into asian looking animals
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
