but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize