Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
