This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
