yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
