Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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