I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
