ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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