do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We are all done wearing pants today
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
