I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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