I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
