that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
