If i come over, it means nothing
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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