just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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