I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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