Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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