And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
