I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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