don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
