There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
People in love make me want to vomit
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize