Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
