I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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