Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
