is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize