So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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