hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
