he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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