if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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