I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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