And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Randomize
