im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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