also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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