I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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