Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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