every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize