I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
