Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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