I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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