I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
